Follow your Head, Follow your Heart
by HalebFanfictions
Summary: With Hanna's wedding day fast approaching she finds herself at a crossroads; Her head says Jordan and her heart says Caleb. With a little help from a friend, she will make a choice. Is it the right one? DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING (CHARACTERS, SCENARIOS, LOCATIONS ETC.) FULL CREDIT TO THE AUTHOR, AND ALL WRITERS ASSOCIATED WITH PLL.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! So I got an idea for this story while re-watching 6B-7A and wrote up one short chapter. Let me know what you think and if you think I should keep it going.**

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"So, not that I mind really but can you please tell me again how we got roped into working on our own wedding invitations? Shouldn't your fiance be the one helping you do this?" Spencer asks as she picks up an RSVP card and puts it into envelope with an invitation and seals it up before tossing it into a pile in front of Aria.

They had spent the last few days in Lucas' loft, each work on their specific tasks to help with Hanna's wedding. Today it was invitations; Hanna puts invitations in envelopes, Emily is addressing return envelopes and putting them in with invitations, Spencer puts RSVP cards in with the invitations and seals, Aria addresses them and Ali stamps and stacks them to be mailed.

"Because five sets of hands works a lot quicker than two...and because you guys love me..." Hanna says with a big smile as all eyes look up at her with tired expressions. They had been at this for hours and everybody in the room was cranky. Hanna huffs as she stuffs an invitation into an envelope and passes it to Emily "AND because the wedding is in like three weeks and these should've went out weeks ago but someone had a different agenda and I fell behind."

The mention of the last few weeks leaves them all without words as they all take a pause in their tasks to pass quick glance to each other around the table before getting back to work. They sit in complete silence, each one knowing what the others were thinking about. It had been a long time since they all had felt peace in their lives and so much had happened since they had come back. Charlotte and Noel were both killed. Hanna had been kidnapped and tortured. Spencer got shot then found out the only mother she had ever known, wasn't actually her mother. Ali was held against her will and tortured by her psycho doctor husband, now her and Emily were about to have a baby in a strange twist that finally brought them together after years of dancing around it. Aria had put her own spur of the moment wedding on hold because Nicole had been found. All of this, and yet they somehow leaned on each other enough to get them through everything thrown at them, like best friends do.

Emily finally clears her throat and stands up to cut through the tension in the room as she walks over to the kitchen counter to pick up their bottle of wine.

"Em, where are you going?" Hanna frantically asks, never looking up from her stack.

She spins around to face her friends "Getting more wine...anyone need a refill?" she asks with a roll of her eyes in Hanna's direction before she walks back to the table to top off everybody but Ali's glass, which she fills with water.

"Hanna does, obviously." Ali says with a laugh as she puts a stamp on the envelope and puts it into the stack ready to be mailed.

"Han, calm down. We will get them out in time...I promise." Aria says as she finishes an address and hands the envelope to Ali to stamp and picks up the next envelope in the stack.

"Where are we now? We must be almost done." Hanna says as she leans over to look at the address book in front of Aria.

"I'm in the P's right now...and addressing as fast as I can." she reassures her, never looking up from where she writes down a new name and address.

Hanna grabs her glass and sighs as she sags back in her chair with"Thanks you guys...for keeping me calm."

"This is you calm? I'd hate to see you antsy." Spencer deadpans

"Haha, very funny." she shoots back making Spencer and the others laugh "I mean it though, seriously. The last couple weeks have been some of the worst, probably ever." she says again, never looking up as her mind wonders over everything that has happened. Pulling herself out of her daze she continues "I didn't even know if I'd make it down the aisle so I really appreciate all the help you guys have put into this wedding."

"Like we would've let you do this without us? Not a chance." Ali says as she bumps her shoulder into Hanna's making her smile.

"Hey enough with the heart to heart...get back to work...I need invitations people" Emily says playfully.

They continue their work, stuffing and sealing envelopes all around the table and passing to Aria for addresses. Several minutes tick by before Aria stops and takes a sip of wine and then shoots Hanna a glance "Um, Han...?" she says as she looks back down to the address book and back up to Hanna.

Hanna's eyes grow wide and she refuses to look up from the envelope in her hands "What? Please don't tell me you spilled wine on them...please Aria." she pleads.

When Aria doesn't answer she glances up and looks over in her direction. She quickly looks back down to the address book and immediately back up to Hanna "Nothing, never mind. It's not a problem." she says as she turns the page in the book

"No. What was it?"

"Nothing, I don't think this person is supposed to get one so I'm just gonna skip them." she says again as she picks her pen back up and starts to jot down another address, hoping Hanna will brush it off, which she doesn't.

"Why? If they don't have an address then I can get one. Did they have an address?" she asks as she stands and looks over Aria's shoulder.

"Um, no they didn't." Aria mumbles as she continues to write

"If they are in the book, then they are supposed to get one." Hanna says again "Let me see and I will tell you if I really do need to get an address for them or if I can hand it out." she says as she reaches for the book.

Aria quickly pulls it away from Hanna and holds the book in her lap "No "

Hanna looks around at the other girls who watch the two fight over the address book. A look of fear washes over Hanna as a horrifying thought comes to mind "Who's name is in there Aria...is it...?" she starts but stops. They had been careful not to speak up A in the last couple of silent weeks, but that didn't them from always suspecting the worst.

"Hanna, do you really think A would write their address down for an invite? We don't even know who it is and they probably already knows all the details " Spencer says as she continues her work and when stops when she notices everybody looking at her "What? It was a joke...come on guys, we've talked about this before...it's easier to laugh and joke about our messed up lives have been than to spend the rest of them worrying about when A will pop in next. Plus, its been silent for weeks now."

"No, it's not A" Aria whispers to nobody in particular but shoots the rest of the girls a 'help me' look.

Hanna sighs and it brings a giggle out "She's right. I can't be worried about it. They are gone and out of our lives...at least for the moment" she looks back down to Aria "Fine, if it is not an A stunt, just let me see and I will tell you if they get one." she says as she holds her hand out for the glances around the table again at the girls before handing the book over to Hanna.

She flips the page back and runs her finger down the lines until she sees the name written down with no address. All the blood drains from her face and she feels her stomach knot up and her chest tighten. Turning away from the girls she takes the book over to the counter and sits it down, propping herself up with her hands on the ledge.

"Han, what's wrong? Who is it?" Emily asks worried as she shoots Aria a look who quickly diverts her eyes back to Hanna.

They wait in silence for her to respond but watching her closely as she turns back around and her eyes fall on Spencer. The two share a look and Spencer immediately knows, dropping her head back down to fidget with the RSVP in front of her.

"It's Caleb." she whispers as she turns back around to look down at the book, running her fingers of the bold letters **RIVERS, CALEB** that she had written down on the page.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I am not sure if any other Haleb shippers will agree, but I certainly feel like the Haleb/Spaleb situation really put a bad spin on the Spanna friendship. I really loved Spencer and Hanna's friendship before the whole thing and since then I feel like it isn't really the same AND I don't think we've talked through it enough on the show. SO, fair warning, there is Spaleb ahead and a lot on the Spanna friendship, but it's definitely about Haleb in the end. I hope that doesn't discourage anyone to stop reading...as always, let me know what you think!**

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Love and friendship are both very complicated situations and they become even more complicated when they collide. This is where Hanna had recently found herself and her best friend. The fling Spencer and Caleb had, and all that followed it had put a huge hole in their friendship that even though they didn't bring it up, they both were still working to patch. Hanna didn't place the blame on them though, she knew it was her fault just as much as it was anyone's. They had all said and done things in this complicated situation that couldn't be undone and she knew that they were all probably as mixed up about it as she was.

When asked she said it was okay, and at the time she really thought it would be. She was moved on and happy about to embark on a new life with Jordan. She had to be honest, if there was someone else Caleb could build a future with, she was glad it was Spencer. At least in her heart Hanna knew that she take care of him. Plus, Spencer had truly cared about Caleb, whether it was love or not, she cared deeply for him and Hanna knew that which is one reason why she was willing to look past the sacred girl code and give them her blessing - like any best friend would.

That had been before Hanna had spent any amount of time with the man she had once thought would be her happily ever after. Before she thought that she may never actually see him again..or anyone again for that matter. Before she told him about New York and how she still loved him. Before she had kissed him the night at The Lost Woods. All of which she knew was partly responsible for the wedge between her and her friend.

She hadn't brought up the kiss since they hashed it out, but she thought it far too often..

He seemed to care about Spencer too, from what she heard the night in the barn when he practically confessed his love for her through a crack in the door. Saying that he worked so hard to get over Hanna and how much Spencer had changed his life. Hanna often thought about the night too and somewhere deep in her mind, she thought Spencer sending him away was probably more so to protect her having to hear him say the things he was saying, rather than to protect him from the Dunhill incident. She knew that his words would cut Hanna to the core so tired to stop him, then she sent him away - like any best friend would.

Either way, it had now been months since Spencer and Caleb had split but sometimes the hurt was still very new for everybody involved. Neither had come out and said who ended it or what had happened, but Hanna knew their split was about her in some way or another. What was more complicated was how she felt after it was all said and done. A feeling of relief washed over her when she heard that it was over because seeing them together broke her heart a little more each and every time which was immediately followed by a feeling of sympathy for Spencer. She had been through a lot with Toby and she deserved happiness. Seeing her so upset just made Hanna feel worse. Plus she had been there, she knew first hand how hard Caleb Rivers is to get over. Especially when he ran, which he usually did.

He went MIA after the night in the barn, packing all his things and disappearing into the night. Seeing Spencer shaken up the way she was made Hanna think back to her own feelings when he left New York. She searched frantically for him for days. When he finally came back is when the break up happened, and he was gone again. At least this time he technically he didn't disappear, he had a room at The Radley still but neither of them knew when or if he ever stayed in it. Toby and Ezra knew where he was, they just kept it to themselves.

It truly was a messed up situation any way you looked at it which is why marrying Jordan still seemed like the smart thing to do. She loved him in a different way than she had ever loved anyone before...and by anyone that basically meant just Caleb. Although Jordan never really did give her the butterflies that Caleb still did, he really was a great guy. She wasn't technically settling, at least in her own mind because she knew he was going to be an amazing husband. Sure, she still cared about Caleb and she thought about him a lot...and a lot more now since they were both back in Rosewood. Being miles away from each other helped put those thoughts and feelings for him in the back of her mind, but never completely out of it.

After that night in the barn she knew she had to let him go, even it killed her to have to do it. Not just for the sake of her own heart but her friendship as well. She had lost a lot of sleep over it and that's when she decided to throw herself into wedding planning, getting on with her life. Just like he had worked so hard to do.

The dead silence behind her pulls her out of her scrambled thoughts and she clears her throat "Yeah...um...he probably shouldn't get one." she whispers and she runs her fingers over the ink one more time. Turning back around she sees the eyes on her so she offers up a sad smile and chuckles "He probably wouldn't come anyway." She walks over and hands Aria back the address book, taking one last look before turning the page as she does. Aria takes the book from Hanna and looks around the table to the other four, unsure of what to do next.

"Oh! Ali, I think I have some more stamps in the office...if not Lucas should have some. Hang on, I'll go check." she says looking for any reason to get out of the room and away from the eyes, at least for a second. She quickly walks off and once she rounds the corner going into the hallway she stops and pushes her hands through her hair. She lets out a deep breath before she turns to walk to the office.

When she is out of earshot Emily leans forward and whispers"What the hell was that? Did you see the look on her face."

"It's Caleb, what do you expect?" Spencer says never taking her eyes off the cards in front of her "She loves him and she just had decide whether or not to send him an invitation...to her wedding...to someone else."

"If she loves him, why doesn't she just call this off and tell him?" Aria whispers

"Because it's...complicated...you all know that." Spencer sighs as she reaches for her wine glass.

"Well all I am saying is that someone needs to say something to her before she makes a huge mistake and goes through with all of this." she whispers again, this time waving an invitation in the air, just to prove her point.

Everyone's eyes fall on Spencer who finally looks up to meet their gaze "What? I've tried already. I told her she needed to figure her feelings out. Plus I don't think I am really the right person to have that kind of conversation with her...I mean I am kinda the reason this is complicated."

"That is why you're the perfect person to have this conversation with her Spence." Emily replies as she gives Spencer a look.

When nobody says anything she finally huffs and stands "Fine. I will talk to her." she says a she stalks off in search of Hanna.

Spencer stops just outside the office door and looks in at Hanna who sits in the chair with her head in her hands. She knocks on the door lightly, making Hanna jump and quickly throw her head up. "Hey Han, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Um, sure. I was just looking for Ali some stamps." she says as she quickly fumbles through the stuff on the desk to find some and holding them up "I knew he had some." she says as she stands "What's up?"

Spencer pauses for a second to think about her approach on the subject before finally blurting out "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean the invitations haven't gone out yet...there is still time."

Hanna chuckles "Time for what?"

"Time to tell Caleb how you feel." she says quickly as Hanna's smile fades and she starts to push past her and out the door. She reaches for Hanna's arm "Hanna wait!"

"Spence, can we please not do this right now? I have got to get this done before Jordan gets back into town." she huffs.

"I just...I don't think that you realize how much Caleb effects you. I don't think you realize how much he does and how much Jordan...doesn't. Listen to me, I know how you feel about him. I also know why you won't say anything and I am so sorry...this whole thing is screwed up; you and me and him...but you can't go through with this wedding if you can't stop thinking about Caleb. It's not fair to Jordan, and it's not fair to you."

"And what is fair Spence? Two best friends that love the same person? Someone will always end up getting hurt." she whispers as she turns to walk out the door before spinning back around "And yeah...Caleb effects me, he has been a huge part of my life for so long...it's hard to let go of someone that...you know what, never mind. You were there...you heard him. I'm a wound he worked so hard to close...so why complicate things any further."

"Han, he may have said those things at the time but you and I both know that deep down he still cares about you."

"Oh really? Because I didn't hear him telling our love story through that door." she whispers with tears pooling in her eyes. "I have to get these to Ali" she says as she turns and walks out the door, leaving Spencer alone in the office.

She sighs and throws her head back to look at the ceiling "Dammit." she mumbles to herself. Waiting a few minutes before she returns to join her friends in the living room. She pulls out her chair in between Emily and Aria and sits down, shooting Hanna a look as she does. They continue to work in silence until all the invitations are done. When they are done Hanna picks up the box and heads out to drop them off at the post office on her way to The Brew to get everybody lunch.

Once she is gone all the girls gather in the kitchen "Well? What happened?" Ali asks as hops up onto the counter.

"You seen her walk out of here with invitations didn't you? Not very well...she won't listen to me..." she stops to take a drink of her wine as an idea comes to mind "But, I think I know someone she will listen to."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, I won't be around much for the next couple of weeks. I'm gonna go ahead and get this update out there, and I might get another out soon-ish for this story and 10 Year Reunion if you're reading that one as well. Let me know what you think!**

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Spencer pulls up outside the small house and puts her car in park. She sits for a minute, taking in her surroundings before she opens her door and steps out, her boots crunching on the leaves under them. Walking up to the door, she knocks feeling a lump start to form in her throat and her stomach starts to knot up. She had a mental note to tell Hanna that she understood how she felts all those times. She knew that it was hard for Hanna to see her and Caleb together, but she didn't how hard it was until she was put in the same situation.

She straigtens her posture and gets her thoughts together when she hears footsteps on the other side of the door before it swings open.

"Spencer, Hi!"

She swallows hard "Hey Yvonne. Is Toby home? I really need to speak with him."

Yvonne turns to look back into the house "Toby! It's Spencer!" she calls.

With her hand on the door Yvonne's diamond engagement ring catches the light and Spencer's attention. She quickly looks away, to keep her emotions in check. Spencer can hear louder footsteps approaching them from the back of the house and then he appears beside Yvonne in the doorway.

"Spence, hey." he says as he steps over the thrusthold and gives her a one arm hug "Everything okay?"

She returns his hug but pulls away quickly when she can feel Yvonne's stare on them "Yeah I uh...I just need to talk to you really quick."

"Sure. Come in" he says as he steps out of the doorway and gestures for her to come inside. She hesitates for a moment before stepping in and he shuts the door behind her. "Are you sure everything is okay?" he asks as they all stand in the foyer.

"Yeah I just..." she trails off as she looks at him and then to Yvonne and back to him "I just need to ask you if you know where Caleb is."

Toby sighs and glances over his shoulder to his fiancee. She smiles at him and then leans up to kiss his cheek "This seems personal so I will leave you two alone. Good to see you again Spencer." she says as she pushes past them and heads towards the living room.

Toby watches until she leaves rhe room then he turns his attention back to Spencer so she continues "I've went by the brew, the hotel, the park and he's not there. Do you know where he is?"

"Yeah I uh, he's...he's been off the grid for a while." he says as he runs his fingers through his hair. She notices that he kept it longer these days and a beard to. He wasn't the clean cut, clean shaven Toby she once knew.

She shakes her head clears her throat to get to the point "Look, I know that you two have guy code or whatever but it's really pressing that I talk to him. It's not for me, it's for Hanna."

"Hanna?" he asks concerned "What's wrong with Hanna? Is she in trouble?"

"No she's fine...for the most part. She's just about to make a huge mistake. She's about to go through with this wedding and well, we all know that those two are dancing around the truth..."

He stands staring at her in silence so she clears her throat and continues "Look, trust me when I say that this is an absolutely embarrassing situation for me on all accounts. I just...I need to fix this before they both make a huge mistake. Can you just tell me where I can find him. Please?"

He pauses for a minute and looks down at his feet before looking back up and her "Okay fine. He's been staying at the cabin for a couple weeks. You remember how to get there right?"

She nods and smiles at him "Yeah, I-I do."

He turns to open the door for her "Be careful Spence." he sighs as she walks past him.

She walks out the door and onto the porch then turns back to face him "Toby?" she says and he stops to look up at her "For the record, I know I never said it but I'm sorry. Thanks for this, I really need to make it right." He smiles and nods his head to her as he closes his front door as she is opening her car door. Getting in she lets out breath she was holding and starts the car, turning the wheel in the direction of the Cavanaugh cabin.

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Caleb turns off the main road and into the wooded driveway of the Cavanaugh's cabin stopping at the mailbox. He reaches out and grabs the envelopes from the box and tosses them into the passenger seat then shuts the lid back. When Toby told him to use the cabin and hide out from the mess he was sure he had made, he promised to take care of things around the property. This meant he mowed the lawn, fixed the pipes when they sprung leaks and made sure to check the mail. In exchange he got peace and quiet where he could clear his mind, away from everything. He got no judgement from anyone when he ate every single meal fried or when he drank whiskey out of a mug in the mornings instead of coffee. It was just what he needed to try and get his head on straight after coming back to Rosewood.

When he finishes down fhe driveway and stops just in front of the small cabin. He puts the car in park and reaches over into the passenger seat to pick the envelopes and the paper bag full of junk food he had picked up from the grocery store. As he climbs out and shuts the door of the Jeep he flips through the envelopes in his hand. He stops when he reaches the ivory envelope with perfect calligraphy on the front that reads **Mr. Toby Cavanaugh.**

He flips the envelope over in his hand and his eyes fall on the return address at the top. He huffs and flips through the keys in his other hand. When he finds the right one he opens the door, slamming it behind him as he walks in and tosses his keys and the mail down onto the table beside the door. Walking to the kitchen he puts the bag down on the counter and props himself up on his hands, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.

"Dammit" he says to himself as he turns to the refrigerator and swings the door open.

He reaches inside and grabs a beer from the shelf and slams the door shut again, making the bottles inside rattle. Ripping the bottle top off, he tosses it into the trash and takes a long drink before he walks back into the living room. Flopping down on the couch he throws his head and back and stares at the ceiling. He rubs his eyes and then sits up putting his beer on the table and picking up the envelope. He flips it over again and runs his fingers back and forth over the name **Marin** on the return address.

Was this what he thought it was? Would he get one? Would he go if he did? Could he handle being put in that situation? Those were all questions that float around in his mind as he stares at the bold print that practically mocks him from the paper.

"Dammit." he says again and tosses it onto the couch cushion beside him as he leans over to pick up his beer bottle. He takes another drink and sits back.

His mind was in a strange place recently. He had spent the last few weeks trying to figure out what exactly he should be feeling, and not really knowing what he should do about it. Since being back in Rosewood he had practically been through two break ups, one being a lot harder than his actual breakup. He knew that didnt take anything away from Spencer, she was an amazing person and he really did care for her...in some way. He fought for it. He wanted it to work but now when he stepped back and looked at it with a clear head, he was unsure if it ever would've worked. He was unsure of the feelings he had for her. He felt so quilty for wasting her time, guilty for toying with her emotions the way he had but he really thought what he had started feel for her, was love. He felt most guilty about what happened that night in The Lost Woods. Not guilty that it happened because that gelt right, but when it happened. Spencer didn't deserve that and he knew it.

There was one thing about this whole situation he had found himself in that he was sure about. Coming back here and seeing Hanna brought back up feelings - feelings that he did work so hard to push to the back of his mind. Those he knew were love. It had taken him a long time not to wake up and think about her every single day. When she told him about coming back to their apartment that night and said that she still loved him. It was almost like for a moment they had their second chance. The thought of them being with other people, never crossing his mind. When she was taken he played over all the things he should've said in the moments before. He played over all their good times, all their fights, everything. Just like that, she consumed all this thoughts; every second of every day he thought about her. When she came back she said it was a lapse in judgement, a moment of reverting back to the past, he agreed because that's really all he could do. She was engaged and he was seeing Spencer - there was no second chance Although he agreed and left it at that, it doesn't mean that it didn't hurt him deep down. It was like he was standing in their apartment again, watching her walk out the door and out of his life.

A knock on the door pulls him out of his thoughts and he stands to open it. When he pulls the door open, he stops when he sees the familiar face looking back at him.

"Hey...Spence?" he says, just as confused as he is shocked to see her.

"Hey, sorry for just showing up. Can I come in?" she asks.

"Yeah. Sure." he says as he moves aside to let her in. She walks past him and awkwardly into the living room and looks around. "Sorry for the mess.." he says as he sits his beer bottle down and quickly starts to pick the wrappers and food containers that scattered the room.

"No, it's fine." she says as she watches him as he moves around the room "Really...it's a bachelor pad. It's supposed to be messy.." she says with a laugh. As he makes his way to the trash can, her eyes fall on the envelope laying on the cushion and she sighs. Bending down she picks it up and turns back to face him "When Toby told me you were staying here I was hoping I would get here before this did." she says as she fans the air with the envelope.

He looks down at it in her hand and half sighs half smiles "I uh..pulled it out of the mailbox about an hour ago."

"I'm sorry." she says as he takes it from her and looks at it one more time before tossing it back onto the table. "It was the only address Hanna had for him."

"No problem. I'll make sure he gets it. He has some of his mail coming here so I take it to him when I go over there."

She looks at him for a long pause before she finally says "I need to ask a favor."

"Okay. What can I help you with?" he asks as he crosses his arms in front of his chest.

She smiles and then reaches over and punches him in his arm.

"Ouch!" he cries as he looks at her slightly annoyed "What the hell-"

"You can start by getting your head out of your ass and telling Hanna that you love her." she cuts him off quickly.

He lets out an exasperated huff "What are you-"

"What happened with us...it happened okay? There is no taking it back or changing it, we all need to move past it. She is my best friend, I love her and I will always regret hurting her like I did. I should've never- we should've never..." she pauses and takes a deep breath to reign in her emotions "You just gotta talk to her, okay? If you don't say something she's gonna go through with this whole thing and it's going to be a huge mistake."

"She's getting married.." he says with a shrug.

"Yes I know that and if you don't tell her that you love her she will end up getting married to someone else...and then none of us get to be happy, at least not for real." She sighs and slows down "Hanna has had this day planned out since she was 15. She asked me a bridesmaid in her wedding before we could even drive a car...so please, please don't make me stand beside her and watch her marry the wrong person."

He stays quiet so she continues with her rant.

"Listen, I'm not under any illusion that you don't still love Hanna." she says then looks down to fumbles with the zipper of her jacket. "I know you do...and somewhere in the back of my mind I've always known. And that probably makes me a shitty friend and I have to live with that but you..." she says with a sigh as she rubs her palms over her face then throws her arms in the air. "I've seen it with my own two eyes. I've been in the room and felt the pull between the two of you. It's there, it always has been...like there is just the two of you in the room and there is nothing that Jordan, myself or anyone else can do about it. Now you need to quit sulking here in this cabin and tell her that you love her."

He opens his mouth to say something and then closes it back quickly. The second time he opens it, his voice is barely over a whisper as his eyes linger on his feet "You have no idea how much I want to tell her...I just - I can't ruin this for her Spencer. I can't keep screwing her life up. I always come into her life and it ends up being nothing but chaos."

"Look around, our lives are always chaos! If anything you've always been solid ground for her."

"She's getting married...mar-ried. Plus, this Jordan guy has a lot more to offer her than I ever will. I live in a hotel and part time in my best friend's cabin. So, she would probably be better off with him and I've accepted that."

"Oh, quit making excuses Caleb!" she says, her voice getting louder than she intended.

"I'm not!" he yells.

"Yes, you are!" she yells back at him "She fell in love with you when you had a hell of a lot less than you do now so don't you dare give me that excuse. You know that has never mattered to Hanna...especially not when it comes to you."

They stand staring each other down, in complete silence before he finally moves to throw himself down in the recliner near the door. He puts his head in his hands and rests his elbows on his knees "Can I ask you a question?" he says as he looks up at her where she still stands in front of him "Have you stopped to think that maybe she has moved on with her life? She said that what happened between us that night was reverting back to the past. She seems happy...and I mean, if she wanted to be with me then why hasn't she said something? Why isn't she the one beating down my door?"

"No, I haven't because I know her just like you know her. She's gotten good at hiding how she really feels over the years of practice we've had but I know when she's lying, and she's lying. To herself and to him and to everybody else." She moves to squat down in front of him "And the reason she's not the one here is the same reason you called her a wound you worked so hard to close...the same reason that she told you that kiss was a one time thing. You've both made mistakes and you're both too stubborn to admit that. You've both tried to move on with the wrong people-"

"Spence"

"Don't, okay." she says as she stands back up in front of him "If there is one thing that I know about this situation now, it's that I was the wrong person for you. Not even sure why we went there. I feel like it's only because it was familiar to both of us...like I was the closest thing to Hanna or something. Maybe it was just misplaced feelings for each other meant for other people...I don't know. But I know that you love her, and I know you gotta tell her."

She slowly makes her way to the door and she turns back to look at him still sitting in the chair "Take a shower, put on a clean shirt and just do it Caleb. Before it's too late." she says with a smile as she walks out, closing it behind her as she leaves.


	4. Chapter 4

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Hanna walks into the room where Aria, Emily, and Spencer all sit in the floor and sort through returned RSVP cards. "Hey, think one of you lovely ladies can call and order pizza? My treat?" she asks quickly "I am starving. Ali and I are almost done with this or I would." She says holding up the skirt of her wedding dress that they are making alternations to.

They all laugh and Aria stands up quickly "I'm on it. Two large, extra pepperoni?" she asks as she digs through her purse for her cellphone.

"Yes! Thank you, you're a life saver!" Hanna squeals and turns to walk back to the bedroom then stops again "Oh, and no onions, add black olives. I have cash in my purse when he gets here." She says with a smile, then she walks out.

Aria shakes her head and starts to dial "Yes, I need to place an order for delivery.." she says to the person on the other end of the line as she walks towards the kitchen.

"I swear, Hanna is the only person I know that would call you a life saver just for ordering pizza. Ali is pregnant and doesn't even feel that way about food." Emily jokes.

"We just had lunch like two hours ago, she must be stressing big time." Spencer replies as she takes a card out and adds to the head count for the caterer.

Aria hangs up the phone and walks to the hallway "TWENTY MINUTES HAN!" she yells in the direction of the bedroom.

"AWESOME! THANK YOU!"

Aria shakes her head with a smile "Stressing puts it mildly I think...but if pizza calms her down, we'll get pizza." she says as she sits back down in the circle. She leans into the group of girls and whispers "Hey, speaking of stressing...what's the deal with Caleb. Did you ever get in touch with him?"

Spencer pulls open an RSVP card and then glances up at Aria "Yeah, I uh...I got with him a couple days ago."

"Well? What did he say?" Emily whispers back to her.

Spencer huffs and sits her pen down to rub her face with her hands "He didn't say much...he just sat there and made excuses." she says as she looks between the two of them.

"Excuses? For what?" Emily asks confused.

"For why he can't ruin this for her. He thinks that he can't give her enough..." She picks up her pen again and starts to write "And I thought that I had gotten through to him but I guess not..."

"Well, what should we do now?" Emily asks as she opens an envelope.

Aria looks at her, then to Spencer and then down to the notebook in her lap "I guess we keep opening up RSVPs and hoping one of them comes around...I don't know what else to do. Spence has already talked to her, I've mentioned it and I know Ali and you have both hinted at it. Now we just wait."

Emily huffs and tosses the envelope in her hand into their trash pile "This plan sucks. I just wish there was something we could do to stop this madness." she holds up the card, waving it in the air "and make her realize this is a mistake."

"Yeah, me too." Spencer whispers never looking up from her count.

Aria gasps "You think he would stop the wedding? I mean that would be terribly romantic but-"

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

They all look at each other and then Aria glances down at her phone "Wow. That was quick." she says as she stands and walks to the door. As she swings it open, her eyes grow wide and she swallows hard then turns to look at her friends "Spence!" she whisper screams to her friends "I-I-I think you need to come here." she mumbles and never moves from her spot in front of the door.

Spencer quickly hops up and walks toward the door "What is it..." she says, fading out when she sees what has Aria's attention. "Caleb?" she says loudly and then quickly throws her hand over her mouth. She reaches out and grabs his arm, yanking him inside "What are you doing here?" she says a lot softer. Aria quietly shuts the door behind them and Emily looks over her shoulder towards the hallway before standing up and joining the rest of them in the kitchen.

"You told me before you left to get my head out of my ass and talk to Hanna..." he whispers back to her as he looks towards the other two girls

Spencer points her finger at him "Correction I told you to take a shower, put on a clean shirt and tell Hanna that you love her."

"Exactly and here I am." He says as she throws his arms up

"It took you a week to find a clean shirt?" Aria asks from behind him and he shoots her a look "What? You said that...never mind." she mumbles waving her hand in the air telling them to proceed.

He gives her a look of confusion "No, it took me a week to get my head out of my ass-" he says as he turns to face Spencer "and to figure out what I was going to say." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small black box "AND to finally pull this out of storage." He opens the box and inside is a small solitaire diamond ring tucked into the velvet that lines the box.

All three girls gasp loudly and Aria throws her hands over her mouth in shock. Spencer reaches for the box he holds out for them to see "Storage? How long have you had this?" she asks as she pulls the engagement ring from the box.

"I bought it two weeks before Europe" he says with a shrug. He reaches for the box again "I was going to return it...but I uh...I never could...I always thought-"

Spencer looks at it one more time before putting it back in the box and hands it back to him "Great! Just when I though I couldn't feel any worse about this situation." She whispers more so to herself than to anyone else before turning her attention back to him "So you're just gonna propose to her? Like right now?"

He shrugs again "I don't know I figured I would-" he stops when he hears footsteps coming down the hallway and he can feel the electricity shoot through him before he sees white tulle and lace round the corner into the room, just within his line of sight.

"Hey, did they remember my olives?" Hanna asks as she enters the room, never looking up from her phone. She stands just at the entrance into the hallway.

Caleb swallows hard as he stares at her. She has her long blonde hair braided back away from her face and she has on a wedding dress. A strapless, mermaid style wedding dress that hugs her body tightly, flaring with ruffles at the knees and flowing down and back into a long train. He sucks in a deep breath and takes in the sight of her. She was always beautiful but there was never a time he could remember when she looked more perfect than she did now. He always imagined that when he saw her like this, he would be at the other end of the aisle. He forces his eyes away from her when the thought enters his mind that she was standing in front of him, wearing her wedding dress for a wedding where he wasn't the groom.

She walks further into the room still scrolling through her phone. Ali walks in behind her but stops short when she sees Caleb standing there as Hanna continues to talk, oblivious to his presence "Ali and I are almost done. Some of these measurements were taken down wrong but what do you..." she finally glances up "think?" she whispers the last word and stops when she sees dark chestnut eyes staring back at her.

"Caleb." she gasps when she sees him standing with her friends "What-what are you doing here?" she whispers, unable to look away. She can feel goosebumps break out all over her, so she reaches up to rub her arms willing them to disappear and not give her away.

Spencer stands beside him and looks between the two as they all stand in silence. Every other girl in the room watching with looks equally as much shocked as they were relieved. Spencer clears her throat loudly, pulling his attention to her as he glances over his shoulder at her and then back to Hanna "I um-" he stumbles. She reaches for him and nudges him forward as she moves behind him to join Aria and Emily who have moved closer into the living room.

Hanna watches the two of them and then looks down at the floor, a small feeling of hurt flashing through her "If you need Spencer, she's free to go at any time." she says with a forced, fake laugh.

He never takes his eyes off Hanna, searching her eyes for any sign that she is as nervous as he is. She blinks rapidly and breaks eye contact with him to look down at her hands that she rings together in front of her. He can't help but smile when he sees that he still has an affect on her and he hopes that it is enough to save him. He takes a small step towards her "You look...incredible." He breathes and he notices that his words send a small tremor through her.

She quickly wraps her arm around herself to hide the shiver that ran up her spine at his words "Thank you." she whispers barely about to speak. She clears her throat and speaks louder "Thank you." She looks down and notices that she is wearing her wedding dress "Oh crap!" she says frantically as she looks around for something to cover herself up with "I don't think you're supposed to see me...isn't it bad luck or something for people to see the dress." She starts to panic when she cannot find anything.

"That's just the groom Han." Aria throws out from behind them, making both of them look in her direction. She throws her hands up quickly as a sign of retreat.

"We will just...be in the bedroom." Spencer says as she motions for the rest of the girls to follow her and gives him a nod of encouragement before disappearing out of sight.

Hanna and Caleb stand staring at each other, neither saying a word or making a move until they hear the door click shut down the hall. He pulls his eyes away to look in the direction of the noise then they are back on hers. They share and awkward laugh, the air between them almost cracking as they stand in silence staring into each other waiting for the other to break the charge between them.

She finally whispers "What are you doing here Caleb?"

"I uh..." he mumbles, looking towards the floor before looking back up at her and he takes a step forward "When I left New York, I was in a bad place. I was pissed...I was pissed and I was hurt. I got on the plane and as soon as it took off, I knew somewhere deep down that I had made a huge mistake but I was too angry with all the drama to stop and think about what I was doing. To think about what I was jeopardizing. I go back to that night all the time in my mind...and every single time I made a different choice. Sometimes I stay and sometimes I still leave, but I come back. Either way, every time without fail we end up together...because that's just the way it should be. "

"Caleb-"

"Just let me get this out, Please. I've been thinking about what to say for days" he says with a chuckle and another step towards her. She shakes her head telling him to continue, tears welling up in her eyes as she does.

"I um...I was in a bad place, mentally. I stayed in that angry place for a long time...and I wasn't expecting for things to go the way they did when I ran into-"

"Spencer." she whispers, finishing his sentence.

He sighs and looks down to his feet and back up to her "I'm so sorry that I hurt you. That was never my intention, it wasn't her's either...I hope you know that. We would never set out to hurt you on purpose...and we should've known better. We should've known that but you have to understand somehow we really helped each other out of the bad place we were both in. I think Spence and I were both so desperate for it to work once we realized that you and Toby had moved on. It was never going to work...and I know that now."

Hanna shakes her head in understanding with tears in her eyes "There is no need to apologize." she says as she sniffles and flops down on the couch, the tulle and lace fluffing into the air around her as she does "Spence is...she's one of the best people I know...so I understand why.."

He sits down on the table in front of her, putting his legs on either side of her, careful not to step on her dress when he does "Yeah, she's one hell of a girl...and I wish there was a way say this without sounding like an asshole, but there isn't. I wish I could sit here and tell you what I think you want to hear...that I could say that I regret what happened..." He trails off as he sees a tear slowly run down her cheek and she quickly swipes it away. "I wish I could say that, but I can't. I regret that it was her because of the hurt it caused you and what it did to your friendship...if I could take that part back, I would in a heart beat because you are the last person on this earth that I would ever want to hurt...but I don't regret being with someone else. If that makes any sense."

He reaches out and takes her hands in his one hand. She sucks in a sharp breath as their hands meet. "Because being with someone else put into prospective how I felt about you...how I feel about you. I remember telling you once that I always felt alone until I met you. Han, I've felt so alone since I left New York...like part of me was missing. I had JUST given up on finding that again. I had decided that I would never get that feeling back, and then I came back here, and saw you." he stops as his lips tip up in a fond smile. He reaches out and wipes a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. "I remember the feeling of relief I felt when you opened the door...it was like I could breath again because I had that whole feeling back. I hadn't felt like that in years, but I've felt that feeling every single time we've together. Even in a group of people, all I have to do is look over at you and it's there."

"What are you saying Caleb?"

"I'm saying that I never want to live without that feeling again. I'm saying that I don't know how I ever left you no matter how angry I was. Sure I walked out of the apartment that night, I got on that plane and I ran from those memories all the way to another continent but I never completely left. You have a part of me that I will never get back, and I never want to. That sounds cheesy as hell, but it's the truth. I searched for that feeling, that missing part for the last three years and all along, it was you that was missing. I don't to spend one more day without you."

"But you care about her..." She whispers never looking up from the spot on his shirt where she had fixed her eyes to keep from crying anymore "I heard you telling her..."

"You're right, I do care about her. I would never lie to you and say that I don't. I care about her, and I owe her a lot. She listened to me bitch and complain in Europe and after we got back. She helped me out of the angry place I was in, because she was the only person that I knew that was going through what I was. She understood what it was like to try and figure out how to live a life that didn't go as you had originality planned for it to go." He shrugs "Yeah, I got really confused by that and blurred the lines of how I felt about her. I had thought that there was a time and a place where we could've made it work but that wouldn't have been fair to anyone."

Hanna opens her mouth to speak but shuts it back when he continues.

"She was the one that made me realize that there is no one else on this planet meant for me, but you. It's you, it's always been you. No one else has ever stood a chance."

She reaches up to quickly wipe another tear that rolls down her cheek away.

He doesnt give her a chance to reply as be continues afraid of what she will say before he can get everything out in the open "You may have said those things in The Lost Woods that night because you were scared, but there is no way deep down that you didn't mean them. I understand being scared because I am scared to death right this very second. I am terrified that I'm too late and I've already lost you because of my own stupid mistakes."

"Caleb-"

He stands and walks towards the kitchen, needing to put some space between the two of them before he just reached over and kissed her "I don't know this Jordan guy, and I personally don't care to. All I care to know about him is that he is a good man and will take care of you. I know he has the means to give you all the things you've ever wanted in life, things that I could probably never give you. I don't know how you feel about him. You may be happier than you ever have been. If you are, then tell me I will make myself be happy for you, even if it kills me."

He walks back to her, sitting down beside her on the couch with his hand resting on the box in his pocket "But I need you to know that I've loved you for as long as I can remember knowing you. I bounced around from town to town and I never planned on putting down roots anywhere. Then you happened to me and it was all I could think about." He sighs and pulls the box out of his pocket. He opens the lid and she gasps and sobs when she sees the ring inside throwing her hand up to cover her mouth. He sits the box down on the table directly in front of her. "I got this before Europe. I was going to ask you over there, that 's why the trip was such a big deal. This is why I was so angry and so hurt. I wanted to ask you to be my wife. I've held onto this for 3 years because getting rid of it didn't seem right. I bought it to start a life with you and I've held onto it hoping that one day I still could."

She reaches out and picks up the box "Caleb-" she whispers again, running her fingers over the prongs that hold the diamond in place.

"I know I have shit timing...I mean you're supposed to be getting married. You are literally sitting here in a damn wedding dress. I will walk out of this room right now and go on with my life if you say that you don't feel the same and I will never bring it up again. I just needed you to know that I never stopped loving you either."

"Caleb, I can't-"

A loud knock on the door to the loft makes her jump as she stares at the ring. They knock again and it makes her jump a second time. "I can't." she whispers as she stands and walks past him towards the bedroom.

He spins around watches as she walks away from him. "Han.."

"I uh I need to get out of this dress." she says blankly as she looks up from the ring still in her hand and puts a hand through her hair "I um I will get one of the girls to grab the pizza from him."

"Hanna wait."

She quickly spins back around to face him with tears falling from her eyes "Caleb! I-I can't do this right now...I just...I can't." she sobs. Quickly she turns and walks down the hallways towards the bedroom, leaving him standing in the middle of the room, watching her leave.


	5. Chapter 5

He hesitates only for a moment before he walks towards the hallway to stop her "I'm not leaving!" he calls out to her just as she reaches for the doorknob to the bedroom. "I'm not leaving...not until you talk to me."

She leans her head against the door "Caleb, I really can't do this right now." Spinning around to face him, she puts her back to the door to holding herself up "I can't do this, not standing here in a wedding dress. I just need to get out of this dress and I need..." she pauses "I don't know what I need." She whispers as she turns back around to walk into the bedroom.

"Hanna, listen to me." he pleads again.

"No, you listen to me." she says as she turns around and stalks quickly towards him down the hall "Caleb, you can't just come in here with a ring and tell me you love me and then expect me to make any kind of sense of it with you hovering 30 feet away. You can't do this to me, not after I've learned to be okay with the fact that we are not a we anymore! You can't just come in here and tell me that my life would've been what I..."

She takes a deep breath to calm herself down before beginning again "You want me to talk? Fine." She picks up the front of the dress and takes a few steps until she stands right in front of him "After that night in New York, I used to lay in our bed cry myself to sleep at night, almost every single night for a really long time. I would cry and I would think about how we could possibly walk away from what we had. I would wonder how I could walk out on you, how you could leave and not come back to me. It was never supposed to be like this. We were never supposed to end up being these people who loved each other once and then act like friends now. We were supposed together...but we weren't and I moved on, you moved on."

"I told you I was confused." he says as he reaches for her.

She quickly jerks away knowing that if he touches her, she will break down. "Confused is an understatement. I don't blame you for being confused. This situation is confusing and complicated all the way around. It's not just you and me anymore. It's you, me, Spence...and Jordan. It's like I am stuck on this merry go round and it keeps going around and around. Every time I look up, I see all three of you spinning me in different directions. I can't make it stop, and I can't get off so I'm just stuck in the middle constantly going around and I just want off. I want off to put my feet on the ground so I can get my head on straight."

She glances over her shoulder towards the bedroom door then back to him "Spence- she's my best friend...my best friend for as long as I can remember. I love her, so much. She's like a sister I never had...they all are. We've seen each other through threats, deaths, break ups, drugs, Radley, getting hit by a car, getting kidnapped, getting shot...the freakin dollhouse! We've been through it all together. So when she asked me, I told her it was okay to be with you. I told her it was okay to fall in love with you. I knew it wouldn't be okay, but I told her it was okay anyway. I couldn't be that 'if I can't have him, nobody can' girl. She deserved the kind of guy that I know you are in her life. Plus, I knew you would be in good hands, I knew she would take care of you. I told myself I would be okay with it but it tore me apart every time, seeing you two together. It was like I was in the twilight zone seeing you two holding hands or just looking at each other. I told her it would be okay and then I turned around and I hurt her. What happened between us, it hurt her...and I'm a shitty friend because of it. I will never forgive myself for that."

"We were both there Hanna. We both...you can't place all that on yourself."

"I don't. I realize that everybody has played their part in making this situation what it is...but it makes me a shitty friend that even though it hurt her, I still can't say that I regret it." she says, throwing her arms out by her side. "I did that, I hurt my best friend. It would hurt Jordan if he knew but he doesn't. I told you that I never stopped loving you and we kissed. I put a huge hole in my friendship with Spence, I haven't even told my fiance...the man I had planned on marrying...then I had to hear you say I was a wound you worked so hard to close but I still don't regret it! That's the kind of head space I'm in right now. So let's not talk about being confused."

She turns to walk back to the bedroom before spinning back around "Speaking of Jordan. I lived through hell for months so I know all about being in a bad place. I also know about someone helping you out of that place because I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met Jordan, I was focused on my career because it was all I had left. He swooped in at a time when I wasn't looking and I-"

"Han I don't-" he starts to interrupt her.

"NO!" she shouts "You wanted me to talk, I'm talking. I listened to you, I listened earlier and I had to listen to you in the barn telling Spencer how much you cared about her. I listened and it was so hard to hear but I did it. Now it's your turn to listen."

He huffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He shakes his head in understanding and remains silent as she continues.

"He's a good man Caleb. He's a good man and he's been so good to me. I don't even know how to tell you of all people that I care about him, but I do. I always knew it was different than what I had with you. I was okay with that because I didn't want it to be like with you. It has just always felt safer somehow. It wasn't until I came back that I realized that's probably because I have guarded myself more than I did with you. You know all my secrets, even standing here right now you know things about me that he doesn't and he deserves more than that. He deserves so much better than what I've given him. Especially since I've been back here. He would do anything to make me happy, and he deserves me doing the same for him."

She takes a step forward until she stands in front of him again "Then there is you." she says and a smile spreads across her face. "You are...my first love, my first everything. I won't lie to you, I always thought it would be me and you in the end. I thought we'd get married and have a bunch of kids running around by now. Kids that would he able to hack into computer systems and be able to spot a fake Gucci from a mile away. That was my dream for so long. Who really stays with their first love forever? Hardly anybody but I always thought we'd be that couple. We would defy those odds. When we ended, I didn't know if I would ever love anyone again, but I knew if I did, it would never be like I loved you. I took us for granted, I know that. I thought we would always be together and then we weren't. Now you come in here and tell me that it would've been that way had I stayed? What am I supposed to say to that? I have a whole other life that I've moved on to and somehow you've come back into it."

A loud knock echoes through the room, making her jump "DELIVERY!" a angry voice yells from the other side of the door but neither of them move or even look in the direction of the door.

"You were right about me being scared, I did tell you those things at The Lost Woods because I was scared. I trusted you to take care of me, but I knew I had just poked the bear. The meanest, biggest bear on the planet. I was afraid I was going to get something a hell of a lot worse than stripped, soaked, and fried with a cattle prod. I didn't want the last memories of us to be fights, leaving, or seeing each other with other people. I wanted them to be about us, and I wanted you to know what we had, will always mean something to me. That you would ALWAYS mean something to me."

"Do you love me?" he whispers

"Of course I do." she replies, fighting hard to keep the tears from falling "Part of me has always loved you, will always love you no matter what happens between us. It's just how it's going to be and I know there is nothing I can do about it. If I get married and leave this place and never look back. If I were to never see you again...that part of me will always love you."

"So that's it? You're choosing him?" he asks and sucks in a deep breath to prepare himself for the blow he knows is coming.

"No, that's not what...I'm saying that if I have to make a choice, someone gets hurt. I choose you, I could hurt her again, one of the few people other than you that has always had my back. Not to mention that I would hurt Jordan. If I choose Jordan, I hurt you and I lose a part of myself that..." She stops to shake her head to stop herself from going any further "That's why I'm saying I just need to wrap my head around it all. So please I am begging you please if you care about me at all, give me some space to think right now because I can't think with you around. I can't think, I can't breathe, I can't even function."

"I don't-"

"I know you don't mean to but you just do. It's just the affect you have on me. It's the Caleb with Hanna thing...and you can't do the Caleb with Hanna thing right now because you know how to break down my walls. You know how, and it screws with my head. That's the only defense I have keeping me together right now."

Another loud knock on the door followed by an angrier voice "Dude, please don't stiff me with these pizzas!"

He looks over his shoulder towards the door "I'M COMING!" he yells and then turns back to face her. They stare into each other for a moment before he finally sighs "I'm not leaving...I can't. If I leave now you will push me away like you always do. You will push me away and what if it's too late? Then what? Because I can't handle the thought of you marrying someone else."

She chuckles and looks down to the floor as a tear finally falls from her eye. She quickly wipes it away, "I know. Why do you think I didn't send you an invitation? You know how hard it would be to walk in that church and pass you sitting in a pew? Unbearable, that's how hard it would be." She wipes another tear from her eye. "It's complicated Caleb. The female mind is a complicated mess on a good day. Mine...well mine is screwed up as they come right now."

He reaches out for her arm and this time she doesn't move. Instead she screws her eyes closed so tightly, they burn with tears. "Please don't. I can't take it." she whispers as she pulls away from him "I really have to go. I'm so sorry."

She turns to walk away and her walk soon turns into a run. She needed to get away as soon as she could, otherwise her dam would break. When she reaches the bedroom, she burst through the doors startling her friends who have all managed to comfortably fit on the bed. They've been carrying on a quiet chatter until she walks into the room, mow they all stop talking and watch her. She looks to them and then down to her hand that still clutches onto the ring box so tightly that her knuckles are white. When she feels the tears stinging her eyes she turns to close the door behind her and rests her forehead against the cool wood of the door. She keeps her back to her friends to try and keep her composure.

For a split second, she wished that no one was in the room with her so she could scream and cry in private because she knew how she must look right now. Tears falling from her eyes and landing onto her wedding dress, black ring box in her hand. Just by looking at her, one would think her fiance had just called off their wedding and she was having a nervous breakdown because the most important day of her life was ruined. Like she had just found out that her marriage was over before it began, and maybe it had but her fiance was none the wiser.

"Han?" Ali says as she slowly slides off the bed and approaches her, reaching out to rub her shoulder.

"The pizza guy is here." she whispers, never raising her head from the door. She swallows hard "The pizza guy is at the door...and Caleb..." She turns around to face them, putting her back against the door. She glances down at the box in her hand and lifts it to her face. The diamond shines from the lights in the room causing her to immediately panic "I need out of this dress...I get me out of this dress..." She looks up from the diamond to four sets of wide eyes on her and bursts into tears "SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS DRESS PLEASE!" she sobs as she starts to sink to the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

Spencer quickly moves to reach out and catch her by the arm, holding her up "Okay I got the pizza guy, you stay here...Aria and Em will help you of the dress, okay?" she says calmly as Aria steps forward to help her. Hanna cries, shaking her head up and down as Spencer gently passes her off to the other three then opens the door.

She reaches the living room just as Caleb is closing the front door with two pizza boxes in his hand. She stops and watches him as he sits the boxes down on the counter and props himself up there, eyes fixed on the counter. He stands like for a long time before he reaches for the pizza box and opens the lid. A snicker slips past her lips and he turns to look at her. "Those are our pizzas." she jokes and she makes her way across the room to stand in front of him on the other side of the counter.

He chuckles and looks back down at the pizza "The guy wouldn't quit knocking on the door so I uh, I got them..." he shrugs.

"And you thought you'd reward yourself with a slice? I have a pregnant woman in that room that will claw your eyes out over a pepperoni."

"I just...I was...I just know how she gets about onions on her..." he trails off as he looks up at Spencer who is laughing. "Shut up..."

"No...I'm sorry..." she says in between giggles "It's cute. The true testament of love is knowing exactly what pizza toppings to avoid."

"It is. Have you ever seen the way Hanna looks at food?" he asks with a grin before falling silent for a moment "How is she?"

"She's a..." Spencer hesitates when she glances up to see the worried look in his eyes "Okay, I'm not going to lie to you, she's a mess. She was a giant ball of taffeta, trying to curl up and cry on the bedroom floor when I left to come get the pizzas but I got the girls helping her."

He shakes his head "Tell her I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. I will sit here all night if I have to."

Spencer can't help but smile. No matter what had happened between the two of them this is who he was with Hanna, and only Hanna. She had seen him like this time and time again when it came to her best friend. He refused to back down because he knew how she pushed people away. He refused to let her be alone when she was upset even if it meant he sat locked away from her in another room waiting for her to want to talk. She knew this was love, this what love should be like. This is the love he has for her best friend. She in some strange, messed up way had seen him from both sides of the friendship and relationship lines. Even she had to admit seeing him from this perspective made her so much happier than the other side ever did.

She reaches across the counter and puts her hand on his arm "Why don't you just go on back to the hotel-"

"I'm not going anywhere Spence." he snaps cutting her off

She quickly pulls her hand back and throws them up in a sign of forfeit "This was a lot for her to process. She needs to wrap her head around what happened here. Hell, I knew what you were eventually going to speak up and even I need time to process it. She needs to eat a whole pizza and get really drunk on wine. She needs to talk it out, cry it out. She knows you have a room at The Radley so go there and hang out for a few days. We will take care of her, I promise."

He huffs and slides the pizza boxes across the counter to her. He looks around the kitchen before he spots a bottle of wine on the counter. He walks over to pick it up and brings it over to sit it by the boxes. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving, she can sit back there all she wants to and I won't push her but I will be in here when she's ready to talk about it."

She rounds the counter into the kitchen and opens the cabinets to grab plates then reaches down to the drawers and opens it pulling out a corkscrew and tossing it onto the counter. She walks to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze "Go to the hotel. She needs this. Plus, I don't know how long this will take, you know how she gets."

"She pushes away...yeah, I know. Exactly what I'm afraid of." he huffs and takes a few steps towards the door. He turns back around to face her "This has to work Spence. I don't know how I can handle it any other way."

She shakes her head in agreement "I know. We will talk to her. She will come around."

They share a look and a nod before he pulls the door open "Tell her I will be waiting." he says over his shoulder as he walks out into the hallway.

"I will. Drive safe." she says to him as she shuts the door. She walks back yo the counter and picks everything up in her arms. "Come on Hanna." she whispers under her breath as she makes her way back to the bedroom.

She opens the door to the bedroom almost trips of the wadded up dress in the floor. She looks down and back up to Aria, Emily and Ali all sitting on the bed "Well there's the dress...but where is she?" she asks as she tossed the boxes onto the bed in front of them and sits the bottle of wine on the night stand.

"Bathroom." Ali answers, never taking her eyes off the bathroom door "She's been in there a while and I really have to pee."

Spencer chuckles as she climbs onto the bed to join them "Well it's go time ladies. You better get comfortable, we're gonna be in here a while." she says as she opens a box and pulls out a slice.

The bathroom door opens and they all turn to look at Hanna as she walks out of the bathroom. She has her hair pulled up into a high ponytail, her eyes red and slightly swollen from crying. She slowly makes her way to the bed, rubbing the leftover eye liner from under her eyes with a tissue as she does.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess guys." She says as she crawls up onto the bed and lays down, putting her head in Aria's lap "It's just been a long day...and Caleb..." she whispers as the tears resurface and threaten fall again. She holds the ring box in her hand and she looks at it before she hands the box over to Ali "He's had this for years. My life would've been completely different." she sighs "What do I do? What am I gonna do?"

Aria looks up to the rest of the girl then back down as she rubs Hanna's back for comfort "What do you want to do Han?"

"I want for my life to make sense again."

"When did your life ever make sense?" Emily asks with a chuckle as she hands the box back to Hanna. She takes the box from her and laughs even with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah, I don't think our lives have ever made sense so you're gonna have to be more specific with your timing." Ali says in agreement.

She sits up quickly, pulling the pizza box across the bed and gets a slice of pizza. "Good point." she agrees and she takes a bite. "But seriously there was a time in my life where things - okay so aside from A - things made sense. Like before we left here, before we all went our separate ways for college. Those days in some way made sense. I knew what I wanted." She chuckles and then takes another bite "I had dreams and plans of being some big time fashion guru...now I have no job and I'm pretty sure Claudia is going to make it where I can never work the industry again. I had you guys anytime I needed you, and up until we came back I usually had to rant to a voice mail or over text message. I was happy then, I didn't have to think about it because I was just happy. I wasn't confused...I knew what I wanted - ugh, do we have wine?" she asks with her mouth full.

They all laugh and Spencer reaches over to the nightstand for the bottle of wine and holds it up. She opens it and passes it to Hanna. "No glasses? Classy." she says as she turns the bottle up and takes a big gulp.

After a long pause, she finally speaks "How did you know?" she asks in Aria's direction.

"Know what?" Aria asks, confused.

"That Ezra was the one? I mean when you came back you were with Liam and you were happy, right? So how did you know that Liam wasn't the right one and Ezra was?"

Aria stops to think about her answer, opening her mouth several times before actually saying anything "I don't really know how to explain it. I guess I mean, I always knew that he was the one...but I just needed the reassurance. With Liam it was never the same feelings as it was with Ezra. It wasn't until after coming back and being with him, that I knew I could never settle for anything less." she says with a smile.

Hanna passes a quick glance in Spencer's direction "What about Nicole?" she asks quickly making Spencer look up in their direction. Their eyes connect for a moment before Hanna looks away to pick at the label in the bottle.

Aria gives them both a look of confusion "What about her? What happened with them over there, it's a lot to take in."

"No, I mean how did YOU get over Nicole? Or have you?"

"I can't hold her against him, he moved on with someone just like I did. Everybody has exes Han. Those relationships didn't work out for a reason."

Hanna stays silent for a moment, thinking it over.

"You have to clean the slate Remember the old cliche saying 'You can't move forward looking back'? It's true. So what you need to do is just take me out of the equation." Spencer interjects making them all look at her "Don't think about me, it should just be you and him. It happened and now it's over so it shouldn't matter."

Hanna sighs and looks down to pick at her slice of pizza "It's matters." she says under her breath. "But if I keep talking about it...I'm gonna cry so I'm gonna ignore it, eat this pizza, get really drunk and one of you will probably have to hold my hair back if I puke." She picks the bottle up and takes another long drink. "Speaking of crying, can someone put that away? I can't keep looking at it." she asks with a nod in the direction of the ring box that lays on the bed. Emily nods and grabs the box, putting it away.

* * *

Hanna jerks awake suddenly and sits up in the bed. Her hand immediately flying to her head to stop the pounding. When she notices Aria laying across the foot of the bed she glances around the room to take in her surroundings. She looks to her left to find Ali asleep, her arm wrapped around Emily who is asleep on the other side of her. Movement from the other side of the bed makes her glance to the right to see Spencer just as she rolls over to face the door. They had all fallen asleep together in stranger and smaller places than this, but not since high school. She sighs and lays back down, her head hitting something hard under her pillow. "Ouch." she whispers as she rubs the back of her head. She slides her hand under her pillow and pulls out the small black box. She opens the box and images of the night before flash through her mind. She runs her finger over the diamond in the center and her thoughts go back to him.

She sighs knowing she will never get back to sleep, and closes the lid on the box. She sits up again, then moves to find her way out of the maze of bodies in the bed. Tiptoeing out of the room she quietly shuts the door behind her and makes her way down the hall. Going straight for the medicine cabinet for aspirin then to the refrigerator for water, she briefly wonders exactly how much wine she had consumed to get such a massive headache. She downs her two aspirin then pulls out a chair at the table.

She opens the box again, this time pulling the ring out of the velvet lining and examining it. She looks down at the ring on her finger then slides it off, replacing it with Caleb's ring. She instantly feels regret sliding it onto her finger just knowing eventually she will have to return it to the box.

How different would her life be exactly if they had stayed together? Would they be happy now or would it have just delayed the inevitable? Would she have put their wedding on the back burner like she had been doing to Jordan all this time or would they have had a quick engagement? Would they be happily married now with kids? How would she marry Jordan now, how could she knowing this? The questions all bombarded her mind at once making her even more confused than she was before. She lifts her hand up and wiggles her fingers as she examines the ring. Although it was significantly smaller than Jordan's, it fit perfectly onto her finger and part of her liked it better.

"Hey." Spencer says as she walks into the room, making her jump and quickly hide her hand under the table . "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I need water...and aspirin."

"Oh, it's in the last cabinet on the left. Headache?" she asks as she watches Spencer head towards the kitchen. She grunts and shakes her head and Hanna laughs "Yeah, me too."

Spencer grabs the medicine and a bottle of water before coming to join Hanna at the table. She downs the pills with water then watches Hanna closely for a long silent moment as she stares ahead at the box on the table. "So, um..big night, last night."

Hanna sighs and nods her head, never taking her eyes off the box "Yeah, it was."

"Where's your head at Han?" she finally asks.

Hanna looks up at her with a confused expression "What do you mean?"

"I mean with all of this...you had a pretty big night. You didn't want to talk about it, which means it's a lot bigger to you than you're letting on."

Hanna smiles at her then opens her mouth but closes it back before opening it again "Coffee. We need coffee." she says as she stands and walks over to the counter to start the coffee pot.

"Han..seriously what are you doing?"

"All important conversations are held over coffee...it's like a thing. You have to tell someone something big you say 'Wanna grab coffee?' Job interviews are held over coffee, dates with coffee..." she rambles as she moves from the sink to pour the water into the machine.

"Hanna!" Spencer says sternly making her stop to look in her direction "You're rambling...and I don't think this meets your criteria for coffee I mean it's -" she stops to look down at her watch "3 AM and I'm just asking how you're doing. It's not that big of a conversation."

"Did you and him...you and Caleb, did you ever...ya know." she blurts out quietly as she turns around and puts her back to the counter.

All the blood drains from Spencer's face "What?" She heard what Hanna said and knew what she meant by it, but wanted to clarify before she opened her mouth and did more damage.

"Did you sleep together?" she asks again, never taking her eyes off the floor.

Spencer takes a deep breath preparing herself. She, just like Hanna, knew the day would come when the questions were put out there but she didn't want right now to be the time. Hanna's mind was already a mess and she didn't want their past to complicate anything it didn't have to. She clears her throat "We've avoided this for so long, you sure you really want to have this conversation right now? It's 3 AM and we've had a bottle of wine...a piece."

Hanna walks back to the table and sits down in the chair in front of Spencer "Want to? No. But I think we need to..." she takes a deep breath "You said you can't move forward while looking back, so I think it's time we did so that I can move past it."

They stare at each other for a long time. Neither of saying anything, and both dreading the approaching conversation. When the coffee pot dings in the background Spencer finally speaks "How about that coffee?"

They each get up and make a cup still in silence then they come back to the table sitting across from each other. Spencer pulls her legs up into the chair, resting the cup she holds in her hands on her knee "Okay. If we have this conversation, you have to promise no yelling...or crying"

Hanna nods her head yes and halfway smiles "I've been doing a lot of that lately so I make no promises, but I'll try."

"Okay" Spencer sighs "Let's talk."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Sorry for such a long wait for the update but I wanted to get "the talk" right or at least do it some justice since the show never brought it up. I think I came up with something you will like, but it will be a two chapter talk. No worries, this one will contain most of the Spaleb. Let me know what you think!**

Hanna huffs "I'm sorry for bringing it up again I know we've talked about it but I just..I keep going back to it in my mind. It's like Googling your symptoms and it says all these serious things and you know that but you do it every time. Then when you've convinced yourself that you're going to die because Google said so, it ends up being a cold." she says and looks at Spencer, who gives her a confused look.

She takes a deep breath and runs her hands through her hair then brings them back to wrap around the warm mug in front of her. "What I'm saying is that I have all these questions in my head that I don't really want to ask because I don't REALLY want to know. I just keep thinking that I need to hear the answers to let it go because what I imagine in my head is...bad and I can't ask him because so far I'm doing a pretty shitty at well...talking, and it just gets-" she blurts out, never stopping to take a breath.

"Complicated?" Spencer asks and Hanna shrugs. "Got it. Ask whatever you want. Might I suggest starting with an easier question and answer though."

Hanna raises her eyebrows "It's not debate team Spence, there are no easy questions..." she says and runs her fingers over the rim of her coffee mug. She lifts the mug to her mouth "At least not in this situation." she whispers from behind it before taking a sip.

Spencer takes a drink of coffee before she starts "Okay, so yes...we did...sleep together." she says slowly as she sits the cup down to gauge reactions. She watches as Hanna sits her mug down hard onto the tabletop. "Not that it will make it any better but it was only like a time or two and wasn't until I had talked to you. So don't let your mind run away with ideas from that statement." she says quickly, to hopefully lessen the blow.

Hanna shakes her head to stop her. Spencer was right, it doesn't make it any better but she appreciated the attempt. The thoughts were already there though...of them being together, in that particular way. Truthfully, it didn't bother her as much to think about them together in bed as it did to think about them being in love. Love was something that was hard to get over, she knew that first hand.

"Why him?" Hanna asks her voice low, her eyes never leaving the cup in front of her "You could've moved on with any one of the billion men on this planet...so why Caleb? I mean, I get it obviously...but he doesn't seem like your type."

Spencer scoffs "I certainly didn't plan it that way, I promise and I don't really have much of an answer to why it was him." She takes a long pause before clearing her throat to continue "I uh..I was single for a really long time after Toby. I dated a couple guys here and there but nothing serious, I never got too close. I didn't have you guys to talk to all the time but Caleb was there. Now we had gotten really close after Europe and he was at that point the only close friend I had around...at least directly around. After every bad date I would come home, and we'd hang out. Then I guess things started to shift between us and I started think maybe he was first person I could see myself being with other than Toby."

"When did you decide that you wanted to be with him? When you asked me...you seemed pretty invested in it already."

"When we came back here and saw that you two had not only moved on, but were getting married to other people. That's when either of us acted on turning any feelings into an actual thing. It was the elephant in the room before...we never brought it up, until we came back. We never acted on it until you and I talked, I promise."

"Did you love him?" Hanna asks, this time her voice barely over a whisper as she grips the mug tighter in her hand.

Spencer shifts nervously in her chair "I guess I thought I did. Looking back on it now, I know that I care about him in some way but not that way."

"Did you tell him that you loved him?" Hanna asks. She can feel the tears stinging in the back of her eyes so she keeps them down knowing if she looks across the table, she will lose it.

Spencer sighs and sits up straight, putting her cup down on the table in front of her. She runs her hands over her face and through her hair trying to work the tension from her body any way she could. "I um...yeah, I did." she finally says and gets silence in return.

Hanna sucks in a deep breath like she had just been punched in the stomach. She quickly closes her eyes to keep the tears in but one tear falls and she quickly reaches up to wipe it away "When?"

"Does that really matter?" Spencer asks and Hanna nods her head yes. She knew this would end up being a question Hanna wanted an answer to. She kept thinking in her mind that there was no way it would make Hanna feel any better about the situation they had found themselves in just a few months ago. It was only going to make things worse, but she knew it but the time had come to let it all out there.

She sighs again and glances up at Hanna who looks straight ahead "The morning of The Lost Woods." she blurts out, ripping off the band-aid "Before we left the barn."

Hanna's tries to hide her emotions but she can tell the tears are coming whether she wants them to or not. "You said no crying." Spencer says as tears come to her own eyes.

Hanna sucks in a deep breath and get herself under control "I know, it's just...I am so sorry Spence. I should've...I should have never done that to you. I will never forgive myself for what I did. I just-"

"You thought you'd never see him again. You wanted him to know you still loved him in case something happened to you?" she asks and Hanna nods her head. "Here's the thing..." she starts as she slides closer to the table "When it happened I was pissed about it sure, but would I have done the same thing? More than likely. If I thought I only had one last time to be with Toby, I would probably do exactly what you did."

"Yeah, but you have no attachment to Yvonne. We are best friends Spence. Best friends shouldn't hurt each other the way I hurt you." Hanna replies, rubbing the tears and mascara lines from her cheeks with the collar of her t-shirt.

"You're right, we are and had I been thinking straight, we could've avoided this whole thing by not getting involved with your ex. Not just any ex, Caleb. I might could've gotten away with Sean or Travis...but not him and that hurt YOU." Spencer says trying to reassure her. "I hurt you, and I am sorry for that. You have no idea...I would give anything for it to have not been Caleb, at least where you're concerned."

After a long moment of silence she continues "I've had a lot of time to think this over and we've all made mistakes. You were selfish, I was selfish and we all said and did things that we shouldn't have but it's over. We need to just let it be over."

Hanna swallows hard before she asks "Was it my fault...that you two broke up? Was I the reason?"

Spencer takes another sip of her coffee and rolls her eyes as she sits it back down on the table. Hanna was torturing herself with this questions and answers game and she knew it, but she also knew Hanna wouldn't bagk down until she got it all iut of her system. "That's two different questions with two different answers. It wasn't your fault exactly, but yes you were the mostly the reason."

She moves from her spot across from Hanna to the chair that sits empty in between them "Han, have any of my answers changed the way you feel?" she asks but never gives her time to respond "None of my answers to these questions are going to change anything because what happened between Caleb and I, is over. You're asking all the wrong questions."

There is a brief moment of silence in the room before Spencer continues "Ask me about Europe, ask me how he was when we ran into each other." When Hanna never says a word and just looks at her, she continues "He was an absolute disaster. He wouldn't talk about it but there would be nights when we were having so much fun, then all of a sudden he would go quiet. Sometimes he'd get so lost in thought and I could tell he was thinking about you so I would just walk away. He'd come back around and his mood would be different, melancholy even."

Hanna's eyes fill with tears again as Spencer recounts the trip to Europe. The trip that they had worked on planning and saved for months to go on. The trip that would've changed her life and made all the dreams she'd had come true. The trip that ended it all because she walked out. She chose something over him again, thinking that it would be just like every other time. They'd fight, they'd make up and would be fine until the next time something came up. She couldn't find it in her to blame him for it, she would've gotten tired of it to...but it still hurt.

"Ask me how many times we talked about you...hundreds, maybe even thousands I just know too many times to count. Ask me what happened every time it did. He got this goofy look on his face that I don't even know how to begin to explain...you could see the love he had for you in his eyes." Spencer says with a smile as she brushes the bangs from her face.

After a long pause and grabs Hanna's hand that rests on the table and gives it a tight squeeze "Ask me what happened when I said that I loved him."

Hanna sniffles, wiping her nose with her other hand "What happened?"

"Nothing. He smiled awkwardly and opened his mouth but never said it back and he left." Spencer chuckles "That was when I knew without a doubt...ask me why I said that what happened wasn't to blame for me ending things but you were."

"Why?" Hanna asks through tears

"Because I realized there is no way that anything we started could hold up against what you had with him. I always knew if we took it any further than friends I would be up against the ghost of Caleb and Hanna and I thought that maybe we could make it through that back in D.C. if it got that far. You know, out of sight out of mind but coming back here and him seeing you again...being near you again, I could never measure up to that. That morning when I told him I loved him and he didn't say it back, I knew then that he didn't just love you...he was in love with you. I knew it, and I didn't want to admit it."

She stops for a brief moment to swallow past the lump in her throat. "Those are the questions and answers that matter, because he loves you Han. He is so in love with you. You know it and I know it. HE loves YOU so nothing else that has happened should even be relevant."


End file.
